What a whirlwind adventure the last few months have been, moving, starting a new job, getting everything settled. After finally getting internet installed (from a man who reminded me of an older version of Moose) I'm back onto the blogging scene (and hopefully the Facebook scene, but we'll see about that one).
It's been pretty hard to be away from the excellent community we were part of up north, and I'm pretty sure I can echo the words of Paul when I say that my heart aches for you guys -- it's something more than just missing. Not that we're not engaging here, and finding a church and getting plugged in. Neither Wifey nor I wish that we were still in the northwest -- we know this is where God has brought us, but we miss each of you all the same.
To answer Risa's Facebook question in a more public way, we'll be driving North for Christmas, and should get there on the 23rd or 24th, and be there the week between Christmas and New Years before having to pack our bags and drive back home. We'd dearly love to see each of you, and maybe in some kind of Monkey event if we can pull it off (if not, coffee is always just as welcome).
Wifey is still looking for work, and it's been more than a little challenging for her to be home alone all day. We're fortunate to be near our cousins, so Wifey often gets out with kids and has a good time. We've also been very fortunate to get plugged in with a 'new newly marrieds' small group, which is INcReDibLe. Every couple there is walking through the same phase of life we're at, and it's soo nice to meet friends our own age whom we can laugh, play cards with, and talk about what it means to be married. After church today we went out to lunch with a lot of them -- it feels good to see God building a community here that we get to be a part of. I remember when I was new to all of you up North, and when you were mostly strangers who I worked with or knew of, and how over two years we become very close. I'm excited to think of what could happen here over the next few years, knowing the same good and loving God is at the head of this community as well.
I don't know what everyone else did for Halloween, but at work we had a party and I went as Peter Parker, 1 because: Dude - Spider Man, and 2, because I figured I could pull off the geek look an minimal cost (I'm already a geek :) It worked out pretty well, and I even won one of the costume awards, so good deal. I'll have pictures on Facebook soon (just as soon as I can work up the courage to face the tsunami of unanswered facebook-dongles awaiting me while I've been offline).
Last night for Halloween Wifey and I went to Disney Land on a whim for a date. We got a very appreciated early Christmas gift of year passes so we can still get out of the house while we're broke. They had the haunted mansion all dec-ed out for 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and even space mountain had a 'Ghost Galaxy' setup. It was good to get out, good to be on a date, and good to get a chance to talk while walking around the park and waiting in line (we left our cell phones in the car). I know I don't want us to be the 'sit at home and watch TV because we have nothing better to do' couple, but so often I struggle to think of something better to do. Not being around all my old married friends and being a newly married couple, I have no idea what 'normal' married people do when they hang out before they have kids (maybe sit at home and watch tv? ;) Maybe part of being married is relearning how to enjoy your time together in a new context. I was telling my sister on the phone that before you get married, you kind of think that marriage is like this next step in the natural progression of meeting, dating, engagement, etc. But really, it's like a metamorphosis, where you still have that foundation you build while dating, but the day in and day out experience and operation is fundamentally different. I guess I'm having to learn how to succeed at this new game, and I suppose that'll take time -- in the meantime, it's an adventure :)
But that's all I've got for today (with my really really long post). I love you each, and I'll be writing again soon.
- Fawkes
Sunday, November 1
Great is thy Faithfulness
God is so faithful.
Isn't if funny how we always are led to say that only after He 'shows up', as if in our times of darkness or doubt he somehow left the building and we have to catch up with Him?
I know I feel like that a lot of time. Wondering, 'God, where are you? Where did you go?'
When Wifey and I moved down here from Oregon, we came with a sense that even though we didn't really understand all of why or how, that God had called us. We came with faith.
By that faith I quit my old job before I accepted this new one or its financial package, by faith I moved out of state with my new bride to a place neither of us had ever lived and didn't know anybody but family. By faith I moved back into a field I didn't want to be in, and by faith, we've been living at a deficit of $250 dollars a month buried in debt and moving expenses since we've arrived.
So Wifey has been scrambling for a job (and hasn't found one yet) and I've been looking for side-work, just to make ends meet -- and sometimes in the quieter moments wondering why Jesus is running late. Not irked, not upset really, just stood up at a restaurant, wondering what's keeping Him. Wondering.. 'gosh, why are we supposed to be here.'
At church we've been going through James, and that bit at the beginning where he writes:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds"
Seriously James?
Well... yeah. Nobody likes trials, they're hard, they drain us stretch us, exhaust us. Some of them last for days, some for weeks, and some for the rest of our lives. And I used to think that I had to consider trials joy, which seemed just a bit crazy to me; but that's not what James writes; he writes, 'consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds". It's not about the trial, it's about the opportunity that we've been given to learn to trust upon a faithful God, even in our shakily faithful experiences. It's been a challenge, but I'm trying to refocus my eyes -- like those magic eyes. Do you remember those? They just looked like a mix of colored confusion, but if you stared at them, and focused your eyes as if you were looking through them, you'd see a 3D picture emerge. What are the opportunities I have, to see a dynamic God at work through my confusing and often painful / difficult circumstances?
What about you?
I was talking to my sister on the phone just the other day; she's in college and has had a pretty rough semester so far, between 2 jobs, pre-med classes and some personal obstacles. She was telling me that some mornings, all she could do to get through her day, was pray, 'Jesus I believe in your victory today, and I need your victory in my life.' What an honest, humble, and powerful prayer. Yesterday, Wifey and I were driving, and fell into one of those rare and beautiful moments of honesty and prayer, and prayed that prayer together.
Today, just before sitting down to write to you, I opened my paycheck and sat down to wrap up our November budget. I zeroed it. I can't explain how, but somehow the $250 deficit is gone, and we've even got a little extra some months to save and pay down debt.
God is so much bigger and better than I give him credit for, so much of the time. It's refreshing to be reminded that I can't make God out to be better than He is. Think about that for a moment. No matter how good or loving you know (or hope) God to be, He's better still.
Truly, truly Jesus you are worthy of our praise. Forgive our narrow perspectives and fickle hearts, and help us to praise you through the good and through the bad, knowing that over all of it you are LORD.
Isn't if funny how we always are led to say that only after He 'shows up', as if in our times of darkness or doubt he somehow left the building and we have to catch up with Him?
I know I feel like that a lot of time. Wondering, 'God, where are you? Where did you go?'
When Wifey and I moved down here from Oregon, we came with a sense that even though we didn't really understand all of why or how, that God had called us. We came with faith.
By that faith I quit my old job before I accepted this new one or its financial package, by faith I moved out of state with my new bride to a place neither of us had ever lived and didn't know anybody but family. By faith I moved back into a field I didn't want to be in, and by faith, we've been living at a deficit of $250 dollars a month buried in debt and moving expenses since we've arrived.
So Wifey has been scrambling for a job (and hasn't found one yet) and I've been looking for side-work, just to make ends meet -- and sometimes in the quieter moments wondering why Jesus is running late. Not irked, not upset really, just stood up at a restaurant, wondering what's keeping Him. Wondering.. 'gosh, why are we supposed to be here.'
At church we've been going through James, and that bit at the beginning where he writes:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds"
Seriously James?
Well... yeah. Nobody likes trials, they're hard, they drain us stretch us, exhaust us. Some of them last for days, some for weeks, and some for the rest of our lives. And I used to think that I had to consider trials joy, which seemed just a bit crazy to me; but that's not what James writes; he writes, 'consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds". It's not about the trial, it's about the opportunity that we've been given to learn to trust upon a faithful God, even in our shakily faithful experiences. It's been a challenge, but I'm trying to refocus my eyes -- like those magic eyes. Do you remember those? They just looked like a mix of colored confusion, but if you stared at them, and focused your eyes as if you were looking through them, you'd see a 3D picture emerge. What are the opportunities I have, to see a dynamic God at work through my confusing and often painful / difficult circumstances?
What about you?
I was talking to my sister on the phone just the other day; she's in college and has had a pretty rough semester so far, between 2 jobs, pre-med classes and some personal obstacles. She was telling me that some mornings, all she could do to get through her day, was pray, 'Jesus I believe in your victory today, and I need your victory in my life.' What an honest, humble, and powerful prayer. Yesterday, Wifey and I were driving, and fell into one of those rare and beautiful moments of honesty and prayer, and prayed that prayer together.
Today, just before sitting down to write to you, I opened my paycheck and sat down to wrap up our November budget. I zeroed it. I can't explain how, but somehow the $250 deficit is gone, and we've even got a little extra some months to save and pay down debt.
God is so much bigger and better than I give him credit for, so much of the time. It's refreshing to be reminded that I can't make God out to be better than He is. Think about that for a moment. No matter how good or loving you know (or hope) God to be, He's better still.
Truly, truly Jesus you are worthy of our praise. Forgive our narrow perspectives and fickle hearts, and help us to praise you through the good and through the bad, knowing that over all of it you are LORD.
Monday, August 31
Split Pea Andersons
After 12 hours of driving, we've rolled into Santa Nella to stay the night, exhausted, but with the feeling that we're getting closer to home with every mile. I'm still pretty excited to be heading to LA, which is funny considering I've spent a good amount of effort since high school trying to avoid moving here. Now that Jesus has finally got me here, I'm excited to be near some much good opportunity and to be on an adventure with my new wifey - not to mention In and Out :D
..
I always find it hard to write in a blog, but probably because I think too hard about it, or because I got up at 4:00 this morning. I'm not sure my body is really ready to forgive me for the little sleep and strain I've put it through recently, but perhaps health insurance and some early appointments with a chiropractor and massage therapist will pacify it.
To that end, this bed I'm lying on while I type is winning the fight between Will and a new post. I'm sure I'll have more coherent thoughts later this week, but for now, we're safe and I rest thankful for all of God's provision along the way -- and in a larger way, that our God would care enough about me to pick me and my family up and move us to another state in order to teach us. This is a big move and a big change, but it's because I know God has equally big plans for us and a big love that motivates them, and that's pretty cool.
Good 'ol Jesus - nothing beats Jesus.
..
I always find it hard to write in a blog, but probably because I think too hard about it, or because I got up at 4:00 this morning. I'm not sure my body is really ready to forgive me for the little sleep and strain I've put it through recently, but perhaps health insurance and some early appointments with a chiropractor and massage therapist will pacify it.
To that end, this bed I'm lying on while I type is winning the fight between Will and a new post. I'm sure I'll have more coherent thoughts later this week, but for now, we're safe and I rest thankful for all of God's provision along the way -- and in a larger way, that our God would care enough about me to pick me and my family up and move us to another state in order to teach us. This is a big move and a big change, but it's because I know God has equally big plans for us and a big love that motivates them, and that's pretty cool.
Good 'ol Jesus - nothing beats Jesus.
Saturday, August 22
...And that's the happenings at Lake Wobegon
I'm contemplating a major overhaul to this blog, but for now, it's been ages since I've posted anything, so I think I'll just write what's on my mind.
There's a lot there frankly.
This move to California is what occupies most of my thoughts now-a-days. I know that God's up to something in it all, and I have hunches about what all that might be, but I don't see clearly about it all yet -- for the moment, I'm along for the ride.
I ended up talking to Chris about it on yesterday (walks with Chris to talk about life and sort out Jesus and faith, etc are something I'm going to miss) and he suggested that Rachael and I's new marriage - much more than any career impact - may be what this move is about; and I gotta tell ya, that really rings for me. Rachael and I both feel like this move will be really healthy and stretching for our marriage, and really growing for us as a new family, and while I don't know yet how that'll all look, I'm really excited for it.
I feel like I'm being called up into something, but I don't know yet what it is. It's that moment in the story when the mysterious letter arrives, but we haven't gotten to the destination (and answers) yet. Not that I think it'll really work like that; I don't know that I'll know what these next few years about until they're over; but maybe that makes it just like the rest so far :)
It'll be good and I'm excited to see -- and that's good enough for now.
More as there's time.
There's a lot there frankly.
This move to California is what occupies most of my thoughts now-a-days. I know that God's up to something in it all, and I have hunches about what all that might be, but I don't see clearly about it all yet -- for the moment, I'm along for the ride.
I ended up talking to Chris about it on yesterday (walks with Chris to talk about life and sort out Jesus and faith, etc are something I'm going to miss) and he suggested that Rachael and I's new marriage - much more than any career impact - may be what this move is about; and I gotta tell ya, that really rings for me. Rachael and I both feel like this move will be really healthy and stretching for our marriage, and really growing for us as a new family, and while I don't know yet how that'll all look, I'm really excited for it.
I feel like I'm being called up into something, but I don't know yet what it is. It's that moment in the story when the mysterious letter arrives, but we haven't gotten to the destination (and answers) yet. Not that I think it'll really work like that; I don't know that I'll know what these next few years about until they're over; but maybe that makes it just like the rest so far :)
It'll be good and I'm excited to see -- and that's good enough for now.
More as there's time.
Friday, November 7
Dreams
I awoke this morning (late) from an perplexing dream:
I was in the old house, in Phoenix, in the office working on something or other. Though I am not certain, it seems like mom still owned the house, but only I lived in it. And suddenly I heard scuffling inside, and a young man I recognized but could not name, showed up and threatened my life. With him were four zombies -- or at least I call them that, but they're far from our cultural depiction of zombies. They were crazed, people like the hunchback witch or the delirious natives -- and they gave you that same sort of creepy 'join us or die' feeling. Their bodies were decaying (which is what has me call them 'zombies') and their skin was grey, decaying and bloody and their teeth and fingernails were yellowed. They were under the command of this commander who had invaded my home, and he was offering me some sort of Morton's Fork for my allegiance. He would give me time to decide, but it was clear that when he came back it would be for keeps and that he was showing me a grace not ordinarily showed to his other victims. I also remember thinking that he had ambitions to make the entire world into zombies, I think because it would allow him power not only over everyone, but in a way and to a depth he was really trying to get at. It would open a door for him that he was really after, but whatever that would be is a card that was he played too close to his vest for me to know -- for the moment his threat of join us or die were clear.
We had various bits of our extended conversation in many rooms across the house, I remember what happened vaguely in each, but I don't think the dream made any attempt at showing the transitions from room to room, so even though I understood them to be one continuous dealing with this commander, it was broken up into many different scenes. In one instance, he had left the room, and in lack of his command, the zombies pressed in on me to attack, threatening to either smother me or devour me. I was saved by the returning commander who ordered them off of me (it wasn't time yet, I had to have time to make my choice). In another instance, while he was talking, a conniving zombie with a mischievous grin (who was standing uncomfortably close) kept trying to scratch me with his nails so as to infect me. The commander noticed, but did nothing to stop him as it was not a direct attack, and continued talking. It was clear to me that I was alive on his graces. I also, have just the faintest memory of a white and gold city that I was a defender of, and that I must make sure the Commander did not know about -- but this detail seems like a distant thread, and less related to the actual story. If this were real, it'd be the sort of detail that exists at the far back of a character's mind, but would usually not make the retelling.
As the commander and I wrapped up our conversation, he escorted me from the premises and out into the culdesac where it became clear that mine was not the only house on the street under attack. In fact, a zombie army, each with a commander, was invading each home in the neighborhood, and parked askew out front where the large military vehicles that had transported them there. I remember determining to myself, even before we left, that I would build a resistance after he left and that I would do so secretly. Undoubtedly the zombies would return, and I could think of only one place to hide, and that is the roof - zombies, as it's known, cannot climb things and like the humans that become them, are not naturally inclined to look up. There was a particular spot on the flat bit over the porch I knew, that with minimal modification I could build, via tarps, etc a small shelter that would be close to unnoticeable from the ground, and that would keep me out of the house when the zombies returned to find me -- they would conclude that I had fled, and I would be safe.
As we reached the corner, another commander had just gotten out of his jeep, a tall black man with dreads holding an assault rifle, stormed the house I had just come out of with at least twice/three times the number of zombies that had initially come to visit me. It was clear that their intentions were not as 'nice' as my commanders and they killed everyone remaining in the house. I remember asking the commander what was happening -- and his saying something that implied he had saved me, but that others were not so lucky (it was just him and I now). Knowing that the LORD had used this commander to deliver me my life, I stopped right there, put a hand on the commanders shoulder, and prayed aloud a prayer of thanks to God for delivering me from death at the hands of the merciful commander, that death had passed me over.
After this, there was a brief conversation I had with a neighbor where we observed how quickly and easily our street has been taken over. Someone had just rolled in with an invasion force and our defenses (which only expected the occasional mercenary or antagonist) were overwhelmed.
And now the dream skips ahead, though again, feeling completely continuous. It was now time to build the shelter, and the house no longer had the same floor plan as it did when we lived there, it was in many ways a different house. It had at least 2 floors, each full, and perhaps a third above that. Numerous stair ways and rooms were present, and the spot on the roof that I intended to build the shelter on was still accessible. There were also all kinds of people, many whom I did not recognize walking the hallways and going from room to room as if this was their house too (a place they had come and made home out of as refugees perhaps, but not their original home). Standing out in the backyard with my friend Zechariah, I remember clearly trying to figure out with him how we would build the shelter. Unlike our real roof, a system of beams already existed that would make the building of the shelter much easier, and a good amount of loose wood (like drift wood on the beach, but darker) was on the roof also in disarray. There had been a previous shelter here that we would be rebuilding and expanding. I also remember going into the house after figuring with Zech, and seeing Chris and Rebecca, and asking Chris if he would join our shelter and Chris said that so long as our facilities here would have adequate training grounds, he and his family were in. (I remembered that he had previously mentioned that he preferred to be at his own house due to his familiarity with it, with would give him an advantage over intruders as he fought with his sword (quite a bit like Fox's Nagamaki)). As I walked back towards the outside, I saw a number of rooms that I had not noticed before, a huge room with open doorways at the four corners, and a sand floor (for sparing? Or practice?) In my dream I knew it was primarily to build strength and endurance. Other rooms seemed to contain various tools, etc -- I realized that this house, this facility, would have everything we needed to not only hide, but fight, when they returned.
On the way out, and on the second floor, I ran into my dad, who gave me my rifle and pistol (both 22s). The rifle I seem to remember, was either not working or not of interest, but the pistol was able to take the rifle's 10-round cartridge in the bottom just like the rifle, and with live ammo I returned to the backyard. As I made a loop around the backyard, I noticed that there were people all over the backyard, and most of them were children in little circles or running around and playing. As I made my lap, I found 4 baby moose (perhaps one of them was mom) with fuzzy and almost-flimsy antlers who some of the children were playing with. They would stay in our shelter also, and I realized that as they grew, they would be able to provide us milk for dairy, butter, and especially cheese. (A moose had somehow appeared earlier as a sign of strength and deliverance, but I don't remember how) Good, I thought, these are God's provision for us, the pieces are coming together. I also walked within touching distance of a fierce and rather large golden eagle, who one child was trying to convince to hold still long enough so as to nab one of its feathers. (His feathers were very golden in color, not just 'golden' brownish). He was regal too, and barely moved as I passed.
Having walked out in the yard far enough, I sighted my pistol and fired, and experienced the strangest thing ever. The round came out in slow motion, falling towards the ground much faster than gravity would normally allow, but in addition, by moving the pistol I could swing the bullet around like it was on the tip of a pole, and redirect its path in flight. I watched as this bullet buried itself in a small gopher hole not 6 feet away. Waiting for the children in the neighbors yard to move out of the way, I fired another at the far side of the yard, and though it went further, it still dropped off only about 60 feet off. Still, I was able to control it in the same way I had the other one, and noticed that even though the bullet traveled in slow motion, it contained the same amount of force/stopping power, and that in someway I was only beginning to understand, I could control not only it's path, but it's speed perhaps, or even -- as strange as it sounds -- intention. Then, there was some kind of summons and as we all headed towards the house, I fired out last shot at the back fence, trying to figure it out, and willing it to go the full distance. It did, straight as an arrow, leaving the same gossamer trail in the air the others had (similar to the sniper rifles in Halo) that faded from view as soon as the bullet struck it's target. Then I woke up.
I admit the dream is strange, but if you're willing to read further, there are a number of things about it that are perplexing. For one, I made decisions in the dream far more lucidly and with a presence of mind and heart I almost never have in dreams, and further, after I woke up I was able to recall nearly all of it, even to this afternoon as I write this post. I also had, upon waking, an extraordinary amount of peace and presence of mind, even though I was late to work because my alarm wasn't set (which is odd in itself considering that my alarm doesn't unset unless you tell it to). Getting to work, I started talking to Fox about the dream over text, and he brought up that it might be from the Lord, especially given the number of peculiar but vivid signs all throughout. I had already been thinking this to myself, and brought it up to Chris as a 'I had this weird dream last night'. For fun, Chris looked up zombies in the bible, and stumbled across this little diddy that quotes a verse from Zechariah. The zombies, if you want to call them that, in that passage, describe exactly what I saw in my dream -- and I didn't even know about this passage or had ever read it before today. And then, in this crazy little God moment, I realized that my friend Zechariah (who spells in his name exactly like the prophet) was very clearly in my dream and almost for no reason.
Silence.
Like, God had totally told me to listen to Zechariah before we even knew about the verse! This gets our thoughts going during our Jesus meeting, during which I get a vision of a glass bottle (symbolizing a message I think) arriving to us today, and a warning (shown visually) of a shear that came down and cut the bottle in half (which cut like plexiglass, but looked and felt like glass). God was saying (and we all felt it), I have something for you today, pay attention, and don't get in the way. We asked Jesus to reveal to us what it might be, but he was rather coy about it, and only said, 'listen like I told you to'. So here we are. Out of this meeting, Fox also realized another zinger: The Foxes and I have a long and affectionate gag about my being their eldest son, and in many ways I kinda function like an older son who's gone off to college. I come home for dinner every Monday night, I spend time with my younger brothers playing Civ, and their parents have my ear as people I respect and often talk to when I'm confused or hurting. Funny enough, that last night, just before nodding off, Fox (without specifying which ones) prayed that his sons might receive dreams from the Lord. Looks like God is prepared to operate along the spiritual realities at work even before we are.
Now it's lunchtime, and the events and facts surrounding this dream heavily implicate the supernatural, and seem to bear the unique markings of God and his style. Though you could dismiss all of these events as coincidence (as skeptics often do), In my experience with miracles and the supernatural, they're almost never the sort of things that are flashy or surrounded by bright light like on Touched By An Angel -- most often they're these little bits and touches of God's power and direction that if you weren't paying attention would be really easy to miss, almost like shooting stars -- they almost always seem to show up just out of the corner of your eye and by the time you turn your head, they're gone. And the best way to catch one of those, is to stare at the same spot for awhile -- but even then they're easy to miss, yet there are hundreds over your head every night, most of them -- if you manage to catch them -- plainly visible. Though I'm still interpreting the dream in my own head and heart (realizing that very often, God's symbols have multiple meanings), I share it with you to encourage you that Aslan is on the move today, and even though I don't know all of how (He told me to listen), God is up to something.
It also helps that this theme of a safe house, a shelter and safety for God's people in difficult (and perhaps the end of) times has been one that God has talked to both us and others about through at least one other direct prophecy and the more normative voice-in-the-heart talks, all to people who didn't know about the others, and who have come to this same conclusion. Also, Chris has a meeting today with Bob about Soma, and we'll see where it goes -- but in my own childlike heart I hope very fervently that this is part of what God is up to today. Either way, whatever my Daddy does today will be good, and I look forward with open eyes and open hands to see what it may be.
I was in the old house, in Phoenix, in the office working on something or other. Though I am not certain, it seems like mom still owned the house, but only I lived in it. And suddenly I heard scuffling inside, and a young man I recognized but could not name, showed up and threatened my life. With him were four zombies -- or at least I call them that, but they're far from our cultural depiction of zombies. They were crazed, people like the hunchback witch or the delirious natives -- and they gave you that same sort of creepy 'join us or die' feeling. Their bodies were decaying (which is what has me call them 'zombies') and their skin was grey, decaying and bloody and their teeth and fingernails were yellowed. They were under the command of this commander who had invaded my home, and he was offering me some sort of Morton's Fork for my allegiance. He would give me time to decide, but it was clear that when he came back it would be for keeps and that he was showing me a grace not ordinarily showed to his other victims. I also remember thinking that he had ambitions to make the entire world into zombies, I think because it would allow him power not only over everyone, but in a way and to a depth he was really trying to get at. It would open a door for him that he was really after, but whatever that would be is a card that was he played too close to his vest for me to know -- for the moment his threat of join us or die were clear.
We had various bits of our extended conversation in many rooms across the house, I remember what happened vaguely in each, but I don't think the dream made any attempt at showing the transitions from room to room, so even though I understood them to be one continuous dealing with this commander, it was broken up into many different scenes. In one instance, he had left the room, and in lack of his command, the zombies pressed in on me to attack, threatening to either smother me or devour me. I was saved by the returning commander who ordered them off of me (it wasn't time yet, I had to have time to make my choice). In another instance, while he was talking, a conniving zombie with a mischievous grin (who was standing uncomfortably close) kept trying to scratch me with his nails so as to infect me. The commander noticed, but did nothing to stop him as it was not a direct attack, and continued talking. It was clear to me that I was alive on his graces. I also, have just the faintest memory of a white and gold city that I was a defender of, and that I must make sure the Commander did not know about -- but this detail seems like a distant thread, and less related to the actual story. If this were real, it'd be the sort of detail that exists at the far back of a character's mind, but would usually not make the retelling.
As the commander and I wrapped up our conversation, he escorted me from the premises and out into the culdesac where it became clear that mine was not the only house on the street under attack. In fact, a zombie army, each with a commander, was invading each home in the neighborhood, and parked askew out front where the large military vehicles that had transported them there. I remember determining to myself, even before we left, that I would build a resistance after he left and that I would do so secretly. Undoubtedly the zombies would return, and I could think of only one place to hide, and that is the roof - zombies, as it's known, cannot climb things and like the humans that become them, are not naturally inclined to look up. There was a particular spot on the flat bit over the porch I knew, that with minimal modification I could build, via tarps, etc a small shelter that would be close to unnoticeable from the ground, and that would keep me out of the house when the zombies returned to find me -- they would conclude that I had fled, and I would be safe.
As we reached the corner, another commander had just gotten out of his jeep, a tall black man with dreads holding an assault rifle, stormed the house I had just come out of with at least twice/three times the number of zombies that had initially come to visit me. It was clear that their intentions were not as 'nice' as my commanders and they killed everyone remaining in the house. I remember asking the commander what was happening -- and his saying something that implied he had saved me, but that others were not so lucky (it was just him and I now). Knowing that the LORD had used this commander to deliver me my life, I stopped right there, put a hand on the commanders shoulder, and prayed aloud a prayer of thanks to God for delivering me from death at the hands of the merciful commander, that death had passed me over.
After this, there was a brief conversation I had with a neighbor where we observed how quickly and easily our street has been taken over. Someone had just rolled in with an invasion force and our defenses (which only expected the occasional mercenary or antagonist) were overwhelmed.
And now the dream skips ahead, though again, feeling completely continuous. It was now time to build the shelter, and the house no longer had the same floor plan as it did when we lived there, it was in many ways a different house. It had at least 2 floors, each full, and perhaps a third above that. Numerous stair ways and rooms were present, and the spot on the roof that I intended to build the shelter on was still accessible. There were also all kinds of people, many whom I did not recognize walking the hallways and going from room to room as if this was their house too (a place they had come and made home out of as refugees perhaps, but not their original home). Standing out in the backyard with my friend Zechariah, I remember clearly trying to figure out with him how we would build the shelter. Unlike our real roof, a system of beams already existed that would make the building of the shelter much easier, and a good amount of loose wood (like drift wood on the beach, but darker) was on the roof also in disarray. There had been a previous shelter here that we would be rebuilding and expanding. I also remember going into the house after figuring with Zech, and seeing Chris and Rebecca, and asking Chris if he would join our shelter and Chris said that so long as our facilities here would have adequate training grounds, he and his family were in. (I remembered that he had previously mentioned that he preferred to be at his own house due to his familiarity with it, with would give him an advantage over intruders as he fought with his sword (quite a bit like Fox's Nagamaki)). As I walked back towards the outside, I saw a number of rooms that I had not noticed before, a huge room with open doorways at the four corners, and a sand floor (for sparing? Or practice?) In my dream I knew it was primarily to build strength and endurance. Other rooms seemed to contain various tools, etc -- I realized that this house, this facility, would have everything we needed to not only hide, but fight, when they returned.
On the way out, and on the second floor, I ran into my dad, who gave me my rifle and pistol (both 22s). The rifle I seem to remember, was either not working or not of interest, but the pistol was able to take the rifle's 10-round cartridge in the bottom just like the rifle, and with live ammo I returned to the backyard. As I made a loop around the backyard, I noticed that there were people all over the backyard, and most of them were children in little circles or running around and playing. As I made my lap, I found 4 baby moose (perhaps one of them was mom) with fuzzy and almost-flimsy antlers who some of the children were playing with. They would stay in our shelter also, and I realized that as they grew, they would be able to provide us milk for dairy, butter, and especially cheese. (A moose had somehow appeared earlier as a sign of strength and deliverance, but I don't remember how) Good, I thought, these are God's provision for us, the pieces are coming together. I also walked within touching distance of a fierce and rather large golden eagle, who one child was trying to convince to hold still long enough so as to nab one of its feathers. (His feathers were very golden in color, not just 'golden' brownish). He was regal too, and barely moved as I passed.
Having walked out in the yard far enough, I sighted my pistol and fired, and experienced the strangest thing ever. The round came out in slow motion, falling towards the ground much faster than gravity would normally allow, but in addition, by moving the pistol I could swing the bullet around like it was on the tip of a pole, and redirect its path in flight. I watched as this bullet buried itself in a small gopher hole not 6 feet away. Waiting for the children in the neighbors yard to move out of the way, I fired another at the far side of the yard, and though it went further, it still dropped off only about 60 feet off. Still, I was able to control it in the same way I had the other one, and noticed that even though the bullet traveled in slow motion, it contained the same amount of force/stopping power, and that in someway I was only beginning to understand, I could control not only it's path, but it's speed perhaps, or even -- as strange as it sounds -- intention. Then, there was some kind of summons and as we all headed towards the house, I fired out last shot at the back fence, trying to figure it out, and willing it to go the full distance. It did, straight as an arrow, leaving the same gossamer trail in the air the others had (similar to the sniper rifles in Halo) that faded from view as soon as the bullet struck it's target. Then I woke up.
I admit the dream is strange, but if you're willing to read further, there are a number of things about it that are perplexing. For one, I made decisions in the dream far more lucidly and with a presence of mind and heart I almost never have in dreams, and further, after I woke up I was able to recall nearly all of it, even to this afternoon as I write this post. I also had, upon waking, an extraordinary amount of peace and presence of mind, even though I was late to work because my alarm wasn't set (which is odd in itself considering that my alarm doesn't unset unless you tell it to). Getting to work, I started talking to Fox about the dream over text, and he brought up that it might be from the Lord, especially given the number of peculiar but vivid signs all throughout. I had already been thinking this to myself, and brought it up to Chris as a 'I had this weird dream last night'. For fun, Chris looked up zombies in the bible, and stumbled across this little diddy that quotes a verse from Zechariah. The zombies, if you want to call them that, in that passage, describe exactly what I saw in my dream -- and I didn't even know about this passage or had ever read it before today. And then, in this crazy little God moment, I realized that my friend Zechariah (who spells in his name exactly like the prophet) was very clearly in my dream and almost for no reason.
Silence.
Like, God had totally told me to listen to Zechariah before we even knew about the verse! This gets our thoughts going during our Jesus meeting, during which I get a vision of a glass bottle (symbolizing a message I think) arriving to us today, and a warning (shown visually) of a shear that came down and cut the bottle in half (which cut like plexiglass, but looked and felt like glass). God was saying (and we all felt it), I have something for you today, pay attention, and don't get in the way. We asked Jesus to reveal to us what it might be, but he was rather coy about it, and only said, 'listen like I told you to'. So here we are. Out of this meeting, Fox also realized another zinger: The Foxes and I have a long and affectionate gag about my being their eldest son, and in many ways I kinda function like an older son who's gone off to college. I come home for dinner every Monday night, I spend time with my younger brothers playing Civ, and their parents have my ear as people I respect and often talk to when I'm confused or hurting. Funny enough, that last night, just before nodding off, Fox (without specifying which ones) prayed that his sons might receive dreams from the Lord. Looks like God is prepared to operate along the spiritual realities at work even before we are.
Now it's lunchtime, and the events and facts surrounding this dream heavily implicate the supernatural, and seem to bear the unique markings of God and his style. Though you could dismiss all of these events as coincidence (as skeptics often do), In my experience with miracles and the supernatural, they're almost never the sort of things that are flashy or surrounded by bright light like on Touched By An Angel -- most often they're these little bits and touches of God's power and direction that if you weren't paying attention would be really easy to miss, almost like shooting stars -- they almost always seem to show up just out of the corner of your eye and by the time you turn your head, they're gone. And the best way to catch one of those, is to stare at the same spot for awhile -- but even then they're easy to miss, yet there are hundreds over your head every night, most of them -- if you manage to catch them -- plainly visible. Though I'm still interpreting the dream in my own head and heart (realizing that very often, God's symbols have multiple meanings), I share it with you to encourage you that Aslan is on the move today, and even though I don't know all of how (He told me to listen), God is up to something.
It also helps that this theme of a safe house, a shelter and safety for God's people in difficult (and perhaps the end of) times has been one that God has talked to both us and others about through at least one other direct prophecy and the more normative voice-in-the-heart talks, all to people who didn't know about the others, and who have come to this same conclusion. Also, Chris has a meeting today with Bob about Soma, and we'll see where it goes -- but in my own childlike heart I hope very fervently that this is part of what God is up to today. Either way, whatever my Daddy does today will be good, and I look forward with open eyes and open hands to see what it may be.
Sunday, August 10
New Wineskins
"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, he pours new wine into new wineskins." - Jesus, Mark 2:21-22
So I have to have read this verse a thousand times before, but last night as I prayed, 'Lord speak to me what I need to hear, even if I won't like it', this is what he brought me to. It really kinda hit me. Because I realize that I'm frusterated at some of the patterns and cycles of failure in my life, and sometimes I want to get frustrated at God for those things. 'You promise to help me why am I still failing?' Or in my less childish moments, 'Why can't I seem to get this under control?' And I got to thinkin' that perhaps Jesus is trying to give me new wine, but I haven't gotten new wineskins yet. I've known for a long time that Jesus is the one who has to change my heart on things, to heal it from its brokenness. No amount of human effort will change the deep brokennesses we all cary. But once you realize that, the temptation is sit back and ask Jesus why he hasn't finished the project yet. What's the deal -- you're supposed to be fixing my heart.
But that's not the way it works.
You can't expect God's new life for you to fit inside your old habits and ways of living. It's true that Jesus is going to bring new life and revive and restore what you could not have yourself, but you've gotta provide the infrastructure for that life to continue living and growing in you. I've been sittin' watching this new life try to turn over and get started, but I haven't been willing to do the hard work myself -- to change my bad habits and behavior. Huh.
Lord forgive me for my laziness and for my love of what you tell me will destroy me.
New wineskins for new wine... Sounds like a good deal to me.
So I have to have read this verse a thousand times before, but last night as I prayed, 'Lord speak to me what I need to hear, even if I won't like it', this is what he brought me to. It really kinda hit me. Because I realize that I'm frusterated at some of the patterns and cycles of failure in my life, and sometimes I want to get frustrated at God for those things. 'You promise to help me why am I still failing?' Or in my less childish moments, 'Why can't I seem to get this under control?' And I got to thinkin' that perhaps Jesus is trying to give me new wine, but I haven't gotten new wineskins yet. I've known for a long time that Jesus is the one who has to change my heart on things, to heal it from its brokenness. No amount of human effort will change the deep brokennesses we all cary. But once you realize that, the temptation is sit back and ask Jesus why he hasn't finished the project yet. What's the deal -- you're supposed to be fixing my heart.
But that's not the way it works.
You can't expect God's new life for you to fit inside your old habits and ways of living. It's true that Jesus is going to bring new life and revive and restore what you could not have yourself, but you've gotta provide the infrastructure for that life to continue living and growing in you. I've been sittin' watching this new life try to turn over and get started, but I haven't been willing to do the hard work myself -- to change my bad habits and behavior. Huh.
Lord forgive me for my laziness and for my love of what you tell me will destroy me.
New wineskins for new wine... Sounds like a good deal to me.
Da update
I've had so many thoughts rollin' around in my head recently that to get them all down seems to be at least a little daunting -- and then as soon as you click on the lights to really get at it, they all scatter leaving me stuttering at the keyboard. I'll start with the happenins, since that's easier:
I just got home from an awesome vacation to visit my family in Arizona. The girl got to come along, which was a real special deal because she doesn't get to see the family down there that often, nor they her. We started off with just a long (and hot!) drive to Colorado in mum's new Accord, headin' for a log cabin in the woods there, and after a day of travel, got to spend a few days just resting, playing board and card games, and enjoying the cooling afternoon Colorado rains that would sweep over us as they passed the continental divide. On one of our last days we took a 3 mile hike through the woods to a 300 foot waterfall. Together with the grass, the mountain ranges, the trees, it's hard to tell if the altitude is the only thing taking your breath away. Once you're at the waterfall, you can climb up a narrower trail and some steep, steep rocks-of-doom to rest behind the waterfall itself about midway up its height. The view is stunning and how often do you get to sit and enjoy God's creation from behind a crystal clear and cool waterfall? We also managed to make it down sans injury which is impressive considering the angle and slipperiness of the rock we climbed up to get there. After we got home that night, it was so good just to rest with that sense of accomplishment and peace that comes from a hike like that.
After another day of travel, we had a few days in Phoenix to spend with family and catch up with some friends before heading back to the Northwest. Rachael and I were very glad to get to see Cody and his relatively new bride Andrea (the last time I was in Arizona it was for their wedding). Andrea and especially Cody have this incredible gift of telling stories so that you could just sit and listen to them for hours about that one time, or when such-and-such happened. It's also good to get to know Andrea better -- though Cody is a long-time friend I didn't really know Andrea until their wedding, so it's good to get to know her better too. It's no secret that I hope both of them will move up here; little visits like these remind me how good of friends they are and how much I miss them and treasure them. We also got to see Brenda, who's recently finished message therapy school, gotten her license, and armed with a chair and table, started to work up a client base. While we had a good visit with her, the apparent sadness behind her eyes reminded me how hard and lonely life is for some of my friends down south, and how my life was much the same while I was there. I've never been able to figure out the sense of oppression and dullness I get when I visit that city, but something seems to hang over the air there that sucks the life out of it. It's at least an item for prayer.
Returning to the Northwest by plane yesterday, it was good to be back in cooler and greener air, not to mention home. Though I'm not sure I'm ready to return to work and business, I'm glad to be back amongst my closest friends and back in familiar surroundings and communities. Church was especially powerful today, as God leads our church family through a real honest and painful process of breaking off our addictions and bondages, of shutting the door to the enemy, I can't help but be excited as we find not only more individual freedom, but more collective freedom as a body. I'm also really excited for how God is moving in some of the elder's and leader's of the church's hearts concerning healing and miracles. God is slowly and surely bringing revival and freedom to my church, and I am deeply excited, pleased, and at peace with what is going on. God has worked with us a lot to form a closeness with each other so that we can all be a real honest-to-goodness family, and move past the 'smile because you're in church' phase. We're real with each other, we're honest, we genuinely care about and know each other, but now God is training us to be an army -- to take that unity He's fostered and put a purpose, vision, and momentum behind it.
It rocks.
I love every bit of it, and I'm excited to be obedient to what's going on.
Which.. all said and done leads me to tonight, with all these thoughts still jumbling around in my head. Since each is best put into it's own entry, I'll try and break them up as I see fit over the next few and as I find myself able to write. God is doing some really awesome stuff in my writer's heart also -- and kinda wiz-banged-revealed-via-His-spirit a significant portion of the story I'm writing while I was away. I feel more motivated than I have in a long time to sit down and chip away at it. I feel like I finally have enough of an understanding of that world and how it's people and cultures work that I can reasonably allow the events to unfold naturally. But more on that and other thoughts to come. For now I am thankful for a God-filled and blessed vacation, and am treasuring the last few hours I have of it before tomorrow.
Thank you Jesus - For everything.
I just got home from an awesome vacation to visit my family in Arizona. The girl got to come along, which was a real special deal because she doesn't get to see the family down there that often, nor they her. We started off with just a long (and hot!) drive to Colorado in mum's new Accord, headin' for a log cabin in the woods there, and after a day of travel, got to spend a few days just resting, playing board and card games, and enjoying the cooling afternoon Colorado rains that would sweep over us as they passed the continental divide. On one of our last days we took a 3 mile hike through the woods to a 300 foot waterfall. Together with the grass, the mountain ranges, the trees, it's hard to tell if the altitude is the only thing taking your breath away. Once you're at the waterfall, you can climb up a narrower trail and some steep, steep rocks-of-doom to rest behind the waterfall itself about midway up its height. The view is stunning and how often do you get to sit and enjoy God's creation from behind a crystal clear and cool waterfall? We also managed to make it down sans injury which is impressive considering the angle and slipperiness of the rock we climbed up to get there. After we got home that night, it was so good just to rest with that sense of accomplishment and peace that comes from a hike like that.
After another day of travel, we had a few days in Phoenix to spend with family and catch up with some friends before heading back to the Northwest. Rachael and I were very glad to get to see Cody and his relatively new bride Andrea (the last time I was in Arizona it was for their wedding). Andrea and especially Cody have this incredible gift of telling stories so that you could just sit and listen to them for hours about that one time, or when such-and-such happened. It's also good to get to know Andrea better -- though Cody is a long-time friend I didn't really know Andrea until their wedding, so it's good to get to know her better too. It's no secret that I hope both of them will move up here; little visits like these remind me how good of friends they are and how much I miss them and treasure them. We also got to see Brenda, who's recently finished message therapy school, gotten her license, and armed with a chair and table, started to work up a client base. While we had a good visit with her, the apparent sadness behind her eyes reminded me how hard and lonely life is for some of my friends down south, and how my life was much the same while I was there. I've never been able to figure out the sense of oppression and dullness I get when I visit that city, but something seems to hang over the air there that sucks the life out of it. It's at least an item for prayer.
Returning to the Northwest by plane yesterday, it was good to be back in cooler and greener air, not to mention home. Though I'm not sure I'm ready to return to work and business, I'm glad to be back amongst my closest friends and back in familiar surroundings and communities. Church was especially powerful today, as God leads our church family through a real honest and painful process of breaking off our addictions and bondages, of shutting the door to the enemy, I can't help but be excited as we find not only more individual freedom, but more collective freedom as a body. I'm also really excited for how God is moving in some of the elder's and leader's of the church's hearts concerning healing and miracles. God is slowly and surely bringing revival and freedom to my church, and I am deeply excited, pleased, and at peace with what is going on. God has worked with us a lot to form a closeness with each other so that we can all be a real honest-to-goodness family, and move past the 'smile because you're in church' phase. We're real with each other, we're honest, we genuinely care about and know each other, but now God is training us to be an army -- to take that unity He's fostered and put a purpose, vision, and momentum behind it.
It rocks.
I love every bit of it, and I'm excited to be obedient to what's going on.
Which.. all said and done leads me to tonight, with all these thoughts still jumbling around in my head. Since each is best put into it's own entry, I'll try and break them up as I see fit over the next few and as I find myself able to write. God is doing some really awesome stuff in my writer's heart also -- and kinda wiz-banged-revealed-via-His-spirit a significant portion of the story I'm writing while I was away. I feel more motivated than I have in a long time to sit down and chip away at it. I feel like I finally have enough of an understanding of that world and how it's people and cultures work that I can reasonably allow the events to unfold naturally. But more on that and other thoughts to come. For now I am thankful for a God-filled and blessed vacation, and am treasuring the last few hours I have of it before tomorrow.
Thank you Jesus - For everything.
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